At first, both
Sandra and I had remained in the Church.
I reasoned that if I filed for divorce for any other grounds other than
two year separation with consent, it would impact the children and the only
thing I wanted to do was protect the children.
For example, if at the point of separation, I filed for unreasonable
behaviour, the church would have to take disciplinary action of some sort
against Sandra which could result in the children being uprooted from the
stability they had.
Around this time the
church brought out a new policy about Marriage Separation because senior
leaders were concerned at how many marriage break-ups were occurring between
ministers. With no official ruling, many
separated ministers were remaining in a state of limbo, neither appearing to be
moving towards reconciliation or divorce.
I was called for an interview to discuss this new policy and the
interviewer was rather surprised at the positive way in which I interpreted the
regulation. I stated that it gave me
some encouragement because the church was officially recognizing that ministers
marriages can break down rather than sweeping the issue under the carpet. This policy stated that if a separated
minister hadn’t either reconciled or divorced in two years, then they would be
relinquished of their ministerial duties.
I then told the
interviewer that I would file for divorce on grounds of two years separation
with consent with that time period was due.
They seemed relieved that this was the course I’d decided on. I have no idea whether they also interviewed
Sandra or indeed if so, what her response was.
A few months
later, my indiscretion came to light. I
resigned as a minister. The church’s senior leaders decided to revoke my church
membership. This meant I no longer had
or felt any loyalty to the church.
I was homeless,
jobless, had no income and I had no idea where my life would now go. As far as I was now concerned, anything I
said to the church about my future intentions regarding Divorce was now
invalid. Keeping or breaking their
regulation was of no consequence to me now.
If Sandra wanted a Divorce to keep her church leaders happy, then she
could file the petition. It made no
difference to me. I was working and yet
had no money left by the time I paid out all my commitments. If Sandra wanted a Divorce, then as far as I
was concerned she could take the necessary steps to get one.
I found another
job and started work. Whilst in work,
the two year period came and went. Sandra had made no effect to petition for
Divorce. By the policies the church were
so keen to enforce (when it suited them!), they should have dismissed
Sandra.
I then received the
caution from the Police, and disclosure of this to my employers led to my
dismissal. I was now without work and
any income. For closure, I also wanted
some form of acknowledgement from Sandra, accepting the abuse she inflicted on
me.
I was now eligible
for Legal Aid, and so I saw a Solicitor and decided to file for divorce on grounds
of Unreasonable Behaviour. This way, I
felt, I would get some form of admission from Sandra about her crimes against
me.
I listed numerous
instances of Unreasonable Behaviour and the petition was filed. Sandra was given fourteen days to respond. Interestingly, she didn’t deny the
unreasonable behaviour. However, her
Solicitor advised that they should counter-petition on grounds of my
unreasonable behaviour!
My Solicitor felt
that this was a bluff, but because I was using Legal Aid to pay for the costs,
the divorce proceedings had to be carried out in the most economic manner. I could contest their counter-petition but
not on Legal Aid. As I had no money
available to do this, the Solicitor’s advice was to change my petition to two
years separation with consent.
I later discovered
that my unreasonable behaviour was kicking Sandra in my sleep! Hardly possible, since most nights I ended up
either sleeping on the floor or curled up in the fetal position as far to the
edge of the bed as possible. Kicking her
would have been a physical impossibility!
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