I’ve often commented on the attitude of some women
towards Domestic Violence and have been contemplating this for a while. As a victim, survivor and now as a supporter
of those experiencing DV, I’ve spoken to many survivors of both genders and
have seen a pattern emerge between the attitudes of genders going through
Domestic Abuse. I hope that this piece
proves insightful as I share my conclusions.
There will always be some exceptions, however the vast majority of
people that I’ve encountered have exhibited the attitudes I describe.
This was true for me and for other men I have spoken
with. I was a victim of Domestic
Violence, but at the time of my abuse, I didn’t consider myself as such. In fact, I didn’t even recognise what was
happening to me was abuse. Other men
have said similar to me. Is this because
the societal messages subconsciously convince us that only men can commit
domestic abuse against women? Even now,
the lobbyists keep promoting ‘Violence against Women and Girl’ parliamentary
bills and campaigns which keep influencing society to believe that only women
can be victims of domestic violence with men generally the abusers. THIS IS FAR FROM THE REAL TRUTH. Out of every 5 victims of Domestic Violence,
2 will be male.
It does concern me that many women don’t recognise their
violent attacks of their partners as Domestic Violence. They will make excuses. Their actions are justifiable because they
are women and prone to mood swings or hormonal imbalances caused by
menstruation or pregnancy.
Very few
women will claim or accept responsibility for their actions. It always someone else’s fault. If they lash out, it’s not their fault it’s
the fault of the person they’ve hit.
The
media contributes to this. Read all the
news reports from the courts. If a man
is in court, there’s no leniency. If a
woman is tried for a crime 9 times out
of 10 the report will read mother of 2 ( you seldom read father of 2), it will
state that the crime was so out of character and she didn’t know why she
committed it. If the woman doesn’t state
that, the report will usually says she suffers from mental health or substance
addiction. The resulting sentence often
means that the woman would get a suspended sentence whereas a male offender
would go straight to jail.
Do you think I’m over-reacting? Recently , the ITV This Morning show spent a
morning on ‘Female Anger Epidemic’. A
woman talked about her own anger issues and admitted throwing a rosebowl at her
partner. She said that if it had been
the other way around and her partner had thrown the bowl at her, it would be
domestic violence. I sat there watching,
and said It is Domestic Violence – there’s no difference.
But this highlights the difference in my eyes. In my experience, women don’t recognise their
violent behaviour towards their partners as Domestic Abuse and consequently
fail to accept any responsibility for their actions.
Thank you for campaigning and raising such important issues.
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ReplyDelete“We see bizarre cases where abusive and violent mothers are given child custody to ‘save their motherhood. One sees fathers kept from the bedsides of dying children because their presence might upset the mother.” Peter Jensen, "New Laws on Child Custody Should Help Fathers,” Vancouver Sun, 18 December 2002.
ReplyDelete"The amount of violence in marriage is small (most violence takes place between cohabitants or lovers). When violence does occur it is balanced between the sexes…. Most physical abuse of children is perpetrated by women.” Melanie Phillips, “The Rape Reform That Makes All Men Guilty,” Sunday Times, 4 July 1999.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your blog about domestic violence by women. I am a woman who was in a relationship with a woman that turned to domestic violence. Many people in my own family refused to believe it could happen and kept saying that my ex was just upset that we broke up. NO! We broke up because she was verbally and emotionally abusive as well as has diagnosed mental illness that she refuses to get medical attention. So thank you for writing about women as the abusers.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing Campbell. You raise an important issue and I see some similarities. So many people refuse to accept that women can be the abusers in a relationship. There are also academic studies that state that a higher percentage of DV takes place in lesbian relationships than any other relationship. Glad to read that you are in a better place . Stay safe and keep up the good work.
DeleteGlad people are beginning to speak out against women abusers. There is a double standard. Women can abuse men. I was sad to see Hope Solo still playing soccer. If she were a man she would have been suspended or there would be outrage. The message needs to be violence from anyone is wrong. Women can be the worst if the culture permits it.
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ReplyDeleteThis story was a real eye opener for me. I had no idea that male abuse was so high. In fact, I thought it was a tiny percentage of the big picture. If that is the case, then I am glad it is finally having a light shown on it and that all those women who blame others are being held accountable.
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ReplyDeleteInformative post.. thanks for posting about gender attitudes towards domestic violence, it is a grateful post for people who want to know about this. Keep sharing.!
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In our Indian society, domestic violence against women is not a surprising siting. As almost every third women face this thing in her life, and most of them get so habitual to it that they do not even prefer reporting it. Hence, it cannot be denied that many women continue to face domestic violence even after stringent laws and regulations.
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