When I first went for counselling following the marriage break-up I recall telling the counsellor that I wanted to speak out about Domestic Violence affecting males but I also knew that I was too raw at that particular moment. I have looked around and there is little support/help for male victims. For years I kept silent because I was fearful of being treated with disbelief. I wanted to bring awareness to this issue, but didn’t know where to begin.
In the early hours on one morning the idea struck me like a lighting bolt: write a blog. As I pondered over the concept, inspirations seem to explode in my mind. I got up and wrote continuously for eight hours.
I then opened a facebook account for Si Victim and emailed organisation who I thought may be able to either support my quest or use my story. I contacted several Christian news agencies and several Christian men’s groups. CHRISTIAN TODAY were very encouraging and asked if I could write a summary of my experiences for them. I also received several emails from people who had experienced similar abuse and had been heartened by my online sharing of my experience.
The Christian Today article can be found here or by following the link on the right-hand side of this page.
This gave me renewed purpose. Support organisations for male victims are still extremely rare. There are a few online services and I guess that these work well. For me, a major step was learning that I was not alone in suffering abuse.
The Men’s Advice Line is a freephone number 0808 801 0327 - free from landlines and mobile phones. The line is operated between :
Monday - Friday 10am-1pm and 2pm-5pm
If the lines are busy or if you are calling outside of those hours, please leave a message with your name and a safe number and they will call you back within two working days. You can also email them on: firstname.lastname@example.org
There is also the Mankind Initiative: http://www.mankind.org.uk/. They, too, operate a telephone helpline:
01823 334244 If you are a man suffering Domestic Abuse or Violence call this number.
Our confidential helpline is manned from Monday to Friday 10am - 4pm and 7pm - 9pm.
Helpline services for the Deaf are provided through Text Relay. Visit www.textrelay.org for details.
Normal BT rates apply
I also set up a Twitter account so please follow me on Twitter @SiVictim. Through Twitter, I discovered an online Campaign called Domestic Violence who brought out the first edition of a helpful magazine for all DV victims and survivors called MSM (Mutual Support Magazine).
MSM can be downloaded here:
Any male currently in an abusive relationship may be making excuses for your partner’s behaviour. Often, that is the first method of coping with the trauma. I can guarantee that at some point, you will run out of excuses. I eventually did but it took many years to arrive there.
I would recommend writing your own journal of your experience. This was the defining moment in my journey. As I reread my account, it finally dawned on me how horrific my situation was. Although I knew it to be true, it read like fiction and I thought that, come the moment when I shared my journal with others, they would not believe it. So I also incorporated photographs taken with a mobile device into the journal. This is a very personal document that eventually I was able to share with some others who were able to understand and support me in my recovery. For me, the most important aspect has been other people’s acceptance of my reality. From there, with help I can and I am moving forward.
I would advise anyone experiencing DV to write a journal as the first step and when you feel strong enough, to find someone you can share it with or to talk too.