Mothering Sunday 22nd March 2009
As well as buying Sandra stuff from the ‘kids’ and treating her to a Chinese takeaway. I brought her an autobiography of a TV presenter I’d thought she’d enjoy as she always watched his show on TV. How wrong was I? She flew into a rage, torn the book up and threw it at me.
Sunday 3rd May 2009
This was May bank holiday weekend and we had a busy day at the church. All the activities that took place at the church during this play were under my leadership and direction. All day I received favourable comment and positive feedback. This is something that over the years has caused problems as she doesn’t appear to like me receiving any sort of positive acknowledgement. I put this down to Sandra’s insecurity.
About eight o’clock that evening, she went into melt down, shouting and becoming very threatening in behaviour, screaming that she wanted me out of the house and would throw me out herself if I didn’t go. I went outside and sat in the car parked on the driveway for 20 minutes. I then went to re-enter the house but was met with more threatening behaviour. In a complete rage, Sandra screamed at me to get out of the house and stay away. Absolutely shocked, I drove to my parents who lived five miles away, in tears. I tried phoning to speak rationally with her, but all my telephone calls were ignored. My parents insisted that I stayed at their home but I was adamant that I had to return and try and soothe the situation. I returned home at 10.pm but all the doors had been locked and the keys had been placed in all locks meaning that, from the outside, I couldn’t unlock any doors. I tried for half an hour to enter my house all in a non-threatening manner so as to not draw attention from neighbours as to what was happening. At 10.30pm I gave up when I saw all the house lights being switched off. I drove back to my parents’ home and slept on their sofa.
The next morning, I returned back to the marital home, The only comment from Sandra was ‘You’re back then,” and then she proceeded to behave in a manner as if nothing unusual had occurred. My absence was never mentioned by anyone.
Wednesday 2nd September 2009
We had just returned from holiday which had included a few stressful moments over travelling arrangements but nothing out of the normal. Got home to discover that there had been a situation in the Church that needed resolving. Although technically, Sandra was the leader of the church she would avoid dealing with difficult situations and would leave them to me. Because of the nature of the problem within the church, I felt that Sandra had to be involved. One complication was that the children were still on their summer recess from school. In order for both of us to tackle the crisis, I asked my parents to have the children for a couple of hours Wednesday morning.
At 2.30am Wednesday morning, I was awoken by Sandra who was in an argumentive mood – saying that it was unfair to dump the children at my parents on their last day off school and Wednesday was a bad day to visit these people etc. I told her to go back to sleep but it meant that Sandra avoided two difficult conversations that would take place that morning. Rather than jointly speaking to the people involved, I ended up going alone. I retuned home at 1pm to discover the vile mood continuing. Sandra was shouting that no food was in for lunch using language that was unbefitting for a church minister and words that her congregation would be shocked to learn that she even knew! With raised voice she stated that she was hungry and had to be out for 2pm for a Hair appointment. To try and appease the storm, I went and brought fish and chips for everyone. This didn’t work. Sandra was still in a rage, and after nibbling on her plate she said, “ I don’t want these ****ing chips and deliberately walked over to me and tipped the plate over my head, also letting the plate fall over me. When I just sat there and didn’t respond not wishing to feed her anger even further, she lifted up my plate and tipped it over my head.
I dropped her at the Hairdressers at 2pm and she said she was going on to the local supermarket and would telephone when she was ready to be taxied home.
We were supposed to be at my parents for a birthday tea at 4pmwhich had been pre-arranged. Sandra phoned for a lift from Tesco’s at 5.10pm. She climbed in the car as if nothing had happened while myself and the children were very subdued in mood afraid to say the wrong thing to Sandra in case it provoked another violent reaction. When we finally arrived at my parents Sandra waltzed into their home as if everything was perfect, chatting away about the most trivial of items. No apology was given for being over two hours late.
Sunday 6th September 2009
When I was washing the lunchtime dishes, the youngest child came into the kitchen and threw a spoonful of rice at me from a dinner plate. I shouted at the child and gave a telling-off. However, this was another defining moment for me. This child had some learning difficulties and I’d been telling myself that were I to leave, this child would be severely affected in particular. I reflected on what had happened and realised that the youngest child had carried out this action because of watching Mother behaving in the same way and maybe thought that it was okay to throw food over people. I woke up to the fact that the other person I was kidding was myself.
Tuesday 15th September 2009
The two oldest children usually walked home from school together. The oldest child was having tea at a friends house, so I’d arranged to pick up the middle child from school. I would go straight from my office to the school. On the way back, a boy was laying on the road in some distress so we stopped to help. This meant that we got home later than expected. Sandra was furious when we arrived home shouting and swearing convinced that I was late picking my child up. I tried to explain what had happened but Sandra refused to accept this. Half an hour later, the school telephoned me to give me an update as the boy had been taken to hospital. Sandra even accusing me of pretending to take a phone call from the school and blackmailing my child to agree with my story. The boy’s mother kindly sent me a ‘Thank You’ card for stopping to help her son but Sandra still refused to accept the true version of events and never apologised for her actions.
Thursday 8th October
We had a joint visit from our Bishop to talk about the crisis that happened at the beginning of the month. Sandra was extremely talkative and when we were discussing the situation started saying “we said to …..”. This did annoy me as she couldn’t cope at all with the problems and had left it all to me to sort out and now she was speaking as if she was present and had resolve matters. So I interrupted her and corrected her by saying, “Actually I said to…… you weren’t even there! “
Later, when we were on our own, Sandra told me in no uncertain terms that I was out of order and that she would make my life hell for showing her up in front of the Bishop.
Tuesday 13th October
The oldest child had an accident and was knocked down on the way home from school. I was able to get to the scene straight away as one of the roadside witnesses telephoned me. Meanwhile, the school had found out and tried phoning Sandra on her mobile phone. They left a voicemail. I was always asking Sandra to use her mobile phone as she never had it switched on or carried it with her. As we travelled to the hospital, I told Sandra that this sort of thing was the very reason she should always have her mobile phone available.
Early Wednesday morning (2.30am )she woke me up to argue that the school couldn’t leave her a voicemail because her phone wasn’t switched on!!! I just told her to go to sleep.