Church
ministers face many temptations. Some
fall victim to them. Many of those
temptations remain secret and hidden. Many
church ministers’ misdemeanours are swept under the carpet and buried. The most unchristian behaviour can be
completely overlooked and ignored. Many aspects
of sexual impropriety end up being dealt with internally.
There
are two types however that seem to be unforgivable.
Stories
of church ministers who have had affairs are commonplace. If a
church minister has an illicit affair with a parishioner, church congregations
are notorious for speculating over the lurid details and perhaps this says more
about those spreading rumours. No consideration
is giving as to what pressures may have led that church minister towards
someone else. He is automatically the
guilty party and no real understanding is shown. Often, the minister will end up losing his
job.
The
second types of temptation are financial misconduct. Sometimes, with the low level of stipend and
financial pressure the temptation proves too great. Faced with increasing debt due to Sandra’s demands to live beyond our
budget, I succumbed to this temptation.
I’m deeply ashamed of what I did and the church was more than adequately
reimbursed. I still don’t know why I did
it. This action was something I did and
then blocked out from my memory. In a
way, it was just another item to block out in order to survive daily. Hindsight is a wonderful gift and I believe
that my over claiming of personal expenses was some form on subconscious
attempt to cry out for help. The only
problem was that no one heard or recognised those cries. The churches own financial controls which
should have identified the erroneous expenditure was pitiable and I still had
no way of unburdening myself of the abuse I was experiencing.
Although
by now, I was in a fragile state of mind, I fully acknowledge that these
actions were wrong. I have accepted responsibility
for them and sought to make restitution.
Sadly,
I know I wasn’t the first church minister to fall this way and I won’t be the
last.
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