I’ve often commented on the attitude of some women
towards Domestic Violence and have been contemplating this for a while. As a victim, survivor and now as a supporter
of those experiencing DV, I’ve spoken to many survivors of both genders and
have seen a pattern emerge between the attitudes of genders going through
Domestic Abuse. I hope that this piece
proves insightful as I share my conclusions.
There will always be some exceptions, however the vast majority of
people that I’ve encountered have exhibited the attitudes I describe.
This was true for me and for other men I have spoken
with. I was a victim of Domestic
Violence, but at the time of my abuse, I didn’t consider myself as such. In fact, I didn’t even recognise what was
happening to me was abuse. Other men
have said similar to me. Is this because
the societal messages subconsciously convince us that only men can commit
domestic abuse against women? Even now,
the lobbyists keep promoting ‘Violence against Women and Girl’ parliamentary
bills and campaigns which keep influencing society to believe that only women
can be victims of domestic violence with men generally the abusers. THIS IS FAR FROM THE REAL TRUTH. Out of every 5 victims of Domestic Violence,
2 will be male.
It does concern me that many women don’t recognise their
violent attacks of their partners as Domestic Violence. They will make excuses. Their actions are justifiable because they
are women and prone to mood swings or hormonal imbalances caused by
menstruation or pregnancy.
Very few
women will claim or accept responsibility for their actions. It always someone else’s fault. If they lash out, it’s not their fault it’s
the fault of the person they’ve hit.
The
media contributes to this. Read all the
news reports from the courts. If a man
is in court, there’s no leniency. If a
woman is tried for a crime 9 times out
of 10 the report will read mother of 2 ( you seldom read father of 2), it will
state that the crime was so out of character and she didn’t know why she
committed it. If the woman doesn’t state
that, the report will usually says she suffers from mental health or substance
addiction. The resulting sentence often
means that the woman would get a suspended sentence whereas a male offender
would go straight to jail.
Do you think I’m over-reacting? Recently , the ITV This Morning show spent a
morning on ‘Female Anger Epidemic’. A
woman talked about her own anger issues and admitted throwing a rosebowl at her
partner. She said that if it had been
the other way around and her partner had thrown the bowl at her, it would be
domestic violence. I sat there watching,
and said It is Domestic Violence – there’s no difference.
But this highlights the difference in my eyes. In my experience, women don’t recognise their
violent behaviour towards their partners as Domestic Abuse and consequently
fail to accept any responsibility for their actions.
