Being Politically Correct

Rotherham, a place now synonymous with yet another child abuse scandal.  Over 1,400 young girls were groomed by a large gang of perpetrators.  The real tragedy of this is that all the authorities were aware of what was happening but choose to turn a blind eye because they were more fearful of upsetting the PC Brigade.  Rather than being branded as Racist ,the powers that be decided to ignore the cries for help from young, Caucasian girls allowing their Asian perpetrators to continue carrying out sickening attacks. 

Similar gangs had been victimising young girls in other parts of the United Kingdom and have only recently been brought to justice such as Oxford and Derby.  The scale of known abuse in Rotherham is horrific and any culture that has allowed such crimes to flourish should be condemned.

Were the roles reversed, and young asian girls were reporting being attacked by Caucasian males, I’m certain that the crimes would have been thoroughly investigated by the authorities and those involved would have quickly been dealt with.

Instead, fearful of being seen as targeting an ethnic group and being labelled as Institutionally Racist, the authorities were apathetic.

This comes after the revelations that Jimmy Saville, Rolf Harris and many other well-known personalities exploited their privileged iconic statuses to violate many innocent victims.  Again, accusations were ignored because of the perpetrators appearing above the law.  

People seem willing to exploit their fame, race and gender creating a cesspool of perversion.

Such Political Correctness is not about Equality and Diversity.  If it was , allegations would have been investigated when first made. 

The authorities, apprehensive of upsetting a powerful ethnic group, decided to ignore the many claims being made.    This doesn’t just happen with race, the same ‘political correctness’ applies to gender issues too. 

The same authorities, afraid of being accused as ‘sexist’ by militant feminists will act in similar fashion ignoring the cries for help from men.  As a result, many crimes committed by women against men are ignored. 

When I’ve received ‘Children/Vulnerable persons’ training, an integral part of the session is that any and all accusations of abuse must be accepted and referred to the appropriate agency.  Clearly, that has not been happening in England and gives the abuser even greater power of their victims. The statement  “No-body will believe you because a) of my race b) of my gender  c) I’m famous,”  needs to lose its power over the victim, but this can only happen when all victims of abuse know that there exists a safe system in which they can confidently speak out into. 

False allegations are soon proved to be false, the truth always stands out.  It’s time for the climate to change.  ALL abuse is wrong and the words of a victim must be believed and acted upon.   

Even More Gender-Biased approaches

There recently appeared in a national Christian magazine an article on Domestic Violence.    I was pleased to see this issue being raised however, I was rather concerned with way in which some statistical data was presented as it implied that all DV perpetrators are men and that very few men experience domestic abuse themselves.  I did challenge this with both the author and the magazine’s editor and presented the real evidence arguing that Domestic Violence is not a Gender-specified  crime.  The editor informed me that they would use my feedback.  To date as far as I’m aware, nothing has appeared.

Last week, my regional newspaper reported on a fund-raising event held by a local Domestic Violence charity.   This charity’s target audience is women and children only.  Their website pays a token acknowledge to male victims, but the main emphasis is offering services to women and children.  They offer ‘training’ too using the Freedom programme.  If you’re unsure what the Freedom programme consists of , this is the explanation of what you can except:

The Freedom Programme is for any woman who wishes to learn more about the reality of domestic violence and abuse.

The aims of the Freedom Programme are:

 To help women understand the beliefs held by abusive men and in so doing, recognise which of these beliefs they have shared

 To illustrate the effects of domestic violence on children

 To assist women to recognise potential future abusers

To help women gain self-esteem and the confidence to improve the quality of their lives

To introduce women to community resources such as Women’s Aid, the Police Domestic Violence Unit, The Rape and Sexual Abuse Centre, local Colleges etc.

Hardly, a Gender-Neutral approach to Domestic Violence then!!!

What concerned me about the report was mention that this local charity is responsible for training 4,000 police and professionals a year in the Nottinghamshire area.  Being trained in such a biased manner can not be good for Domestic Violence prevention and restorative services.  I posted an online comment making such a point.  I also addressed my viewpoint to the Letters page, which strangely wasn’t published. 

I decided too, to take up this issue with the local Police Commissioner.  This is what I expressed:

Dear Mr *****,

I was deeply concerned to read that XXXXXXXXX  are responsible for training 4,000 police officers and professionals a year to spot and help prevent domestic abuse in 25th November 2013 edition of the XXXXXXXX.   XXXXXXXX  are a gender-specific charity and offer a biased approach to domestic abuse prevention.  Little wonder that the problem of domestic abuse is spiralling out of control when inappropriate training is being given.

Equation does not address the fact that 1 in 6 men will also experience domestic violence and that 60% of domestic violence incidents are mutual with the female partner being the greater aggressor.

Domestic violence is a complex issue and the training given should be more representative of a Gender-neutral approach. 

Yours sincerely,

I received the following reply:

One of my key objectives is to protect, support and respond to victims, witnesses and vulnerable people, without favour to either gender.

I do fully appreciate that domestic abuse is not confined to women being abused by male partners, although it is a fact that one in four women will be a victim of domestic abuse at some point in their lives. 

But no-one should be a victim of domestic abuse and we are all working with partners to both reduce reoffending and offer support to those at risk of this type of behaviour.

I subsequently replied:

It is also a fact that 1 in 6 men will be a victim of domestic abuse at some point in their lives and this is not being addressed because many of the agencies involved refuse to acknowledge this, casting men as batterers and women as victims.  There has been research available for the last 40 years to reinforce this truth.  I am in contact with leading global academic researchers (who all happen to be female) who are continuing fighting to improve DV services and get the message out that DV isn’t the gender issue its portrayed as being.  I'd love to help our county move away from the Patriarchy influence that inhibits its services and would be willing to discuss this at greater length with you and/or your team.  Best regards,

The next day, a news story broke where a famous female TV presenter was charged and received a police caution for common assault on her husband.  By accepting a police caution, one admits their guilt.  Strangely enough, the story has appeared in the media with little other comment.   This gave me one last chance to try and get the message across to the Police Comissioner:

Just to give credence to my last post, I'm sure that its not escaped your notice that XXXXXX. the TV presenter has just been charged with common assault against her husband.   I would restate that the work going on with your partners is gender-biased and far from the real picture.

Then today, I was greeted with more gender-biased coverage:

Services to help female victims of domestic violence are at "breaking point" because of "shocking gaps" in funding, Women's Aid has warned.

With a name like Women’s Aid, you expect them to be Gender-biased.  However, there are many including myself who believe that Domestic Violence services should never have been about gender but has highjacked by Misandrists who saw an opportunity to jump on the bandwagon  and receive uncontested funding for a whole range of services for women only.

My first reaction was well at least there are services for women and children in the first place.  Very little funding has ever been made available  for services for men. 

And then, the Statistics used to justify the services were given by Women’s Aid CEO,

Women's Aid chief executive Polly Neate said: "Specialist gender-specific domestic violence services are reaching a breaking point.

"Over 1.2 million women were estimated to have experienced domestic violence last year and two women a week are killed by perpetrators."

No mention of the 800,000 men experiencing domestic violence.  The estimation is also that one women every four days is killed, but this has evolved into two women a week.  Last thing I knew was that a week had  seven days, not eight days in it.  A slight distortion that no-one challenges.  One women every four days is still one too many..  No mention, mind you, of the one man every seventeen days killed by a partner either. 

Domestic Violence is not a Gender-Specific crime and should not be treated as such.  However, such biased shown often results with men feeling that they have nowhere to go to seek help.  Without any hope, alienated from family and children, many men end up taking their own lives.

The one gender-specific issue that is never addressed is suicide.  Very few woman commit suicide. Tragically, in the UK, the figures have been quite consistent over the last few years.   4,500 men take their own lives a year.  That equates to  375 men a month or 86 a week or , to break it down even further, 12 men a day kill themselves. 

And yet, very little is being done to change this shocking fact that is happening in our communities.

What can you do when someone you know is experiencing domestic violence

With grateful thanks to Graeme Stuart for allowing me to reproduce this great blog from http://sustainingcommunity.wordpress.com/

What can you do when someone you know is experiencing DV?

Posted on 26 March 2013by Graeme Stuart

What can we do when we know (or suspect) that a friend, family member, colleague, neighbour or somebody we know is experiencing domestic violence or family violence?

If you feel that someone you know is at risk, approach them about the abuse in a sensitive way. If a friend tells you that they are being abused, listen to them, believe them and take them seriously. But then what?

A few years ago some colleagues (Dee Brooks and Craig Hammond) explored what other people had found helped in this situation. Based on conversations with over 200 people (including survivors of domestic violence, family members and community workers), here are 73 suggestions for things you can do to provide support and encouragement.

BE THERE

Show them they are not alone by:
1.    telling them you are concerned
2.    checking in with them
3.    listening to and believing them
4.    being non-judgemental
5.    being aware of their wellbeing and safety
6.    letting them know you are there
7.    giving them time and space to talk
8.    giving them a quiet place to sit
9.    providing time out for a laugh and a smile
10.    reminding them of their strengths and abilities
11.    respecting their cultural or religious values & beliefs
12.    being patient
13.    being there for the long haul

To be able to help you need to be informed.
Find out about:
14.    ways to help by talking to somebody who knows
15.    available services & safe accommodation options
16.    where to access resources or information
17.    how to help if drugs or alcohol are an issue
18.    the impact of domestic violence on children
19.    the long-term effects of abuse or violence

Take the abuse seriously and don’t avoid the issue!
Discuss with them:
20.    what support they want or need
21.    what is the best way you can help them
22.    who else could help – other family or friends
23.    what they don’t want you to do
24.    how safe they feel
25.    what they can do to protect themselves
26.    ways to keep hopeful and in control

Encourage them so they can stay strong and make decisions. 
Support them by:
27.    letting them know they are not to blame
28.    helping them to recognise an abusive situation
29.    not being negative about their partner
30.    affirming you will be there whether they leave or stay
31.    sharing what you have learnt about abuse or domestic violence
32.    respecting their decisions

LEND A HAND

Give practical assistance. Offer them:
33.    a helping hand
34.    a safe place to stay
35.    a cup of tea or coffee
36.    a cooked meal
37.    transport
38.    support to go to the police or court
39.    access to a phone and phone book
40.    help to get a mobile phone
41.    help with their children
42.    help to call a Domestic Violence service
43.    help to learn about local support services for them and their children
44.    help to obtain financial or legal advice
45.    help with their pets
46.    other help they ask for

Help them be safe. Support and encourage them to:
47.    call 000 or a Domestic Violence service
48.    think through their options
49.    develop and use a safety plan
50.    pack an escape bag and hide it in a safe place
51.    find out about Apprehended Violence Orders
52.    find out about other legal support services
53.    use a secret code word or action when needed
54.    build confidence in themselves

Let them know there are others who can help.
They could ring or visit:
55.    a local neighbourhood centre for advice
56.    a disability service if appropriate
57.    their local church
58.    a refuge (call Lifeline on 13 11 14, in Australia)
59.    the police (call 000, in Australia)
60.    other community services

KEEP KIDS SAFE

It is important that we help keep kids safe.
If children are involved you could:
61.    call 000 or DoCS (13 21 11, in NSW Australia) if children  are at risk of harm
62.    help develop a safety plan
63.    be consistent in their lives
64.    remind them it’s not their fault
65.    do fun things
66.    allow them to talk about it
67.    provide opportunities for self-expression

CONSIDER YOUR OWN SAFETY

68.    keep yourself safe as well!
69.    be realistic about how much time you give
70.    you can only support someone if you are OK
71.    get some support for yourself
72.    if there is an immediate threat of violence call 000 (in Australia)
73.    stay strong and positive

Do you have any other suggestions?

It is important to realise that domestic and family violence is not only physical. It can also include:

• emotional abuse
• mental abuse
• psychological abuse
• physical abuse
• social isolation
• financial or economic control
• sexual assault
• stalking

Sometimes we wonder if it is OK to become involved. There are a few myths that can stop us lending a hand, but it is important to do what we can. Here are three myths.

MYTH: It’s not my business

Domestic and family violence is not a private issue, it’s everybody’s business and we can all make a difference. Some people say they only found the courage to change their situation once they had support.

With the ongoing support from family and friends, I’ve come from not caring what I looked like to wanting to live! Now I’m looking at a future and no-one’s going to stop me. (Kim, survivor of domestic violence)

MYTH: There’s nothing I can do

There are many things you can do to support someone experiencing domestic violence. According to survivors, simply being there and listening to them are two of the best ways to provide support.

I suggested to a friend of mine that she come stay with me or go to a refuge. Just talking with her about domestic violence and how I could support her helped her have the courage to take action. (Tammy, friend of domestic violence survivor)

MYTH: If they go back, they’ve made their own bed

There are many reasons why people return to an abusive or violent relationship. Ask them how you can best support them, be patient and let them know you will be there whatever decision they make.

Often people say, ‘She could get out if she wanted to, so I’m not doing nothing’. They don’t understand the power issues. I think the most important thing is to hang in there with her. If she chooses to stay don’t close the door on her but offer support and listen to her. (Chris, domestic violence worker)

Remember, there is something you can do. Don’t sit back and let it happen.

Finding a Voice

In speaking out about Intimate Partner Violence, I’ve encountered several differing attitudes.  There does seem to be reluctance in accepting that men can also be victims of domestic abuse. 

The common perception is that far more women than men suffer from domestic violence.  For the few men that do, it is easier for them to leave the relationship and rebuild their lives.  Even then, a common-held viewpoint is than men who claim to be victims, are in fact abusers themselves.   This leads to certain assumptions:

• Violent women are acting solely in self-defence or retaliation
• Because men are naturally physically stronger than women, they can restrain their aggressor and so any violence towards them is humourous and trivial
• Men can leave an abusive relationship easier because they have greater economic means to be independent
• Men can leave an abusive relationship because the emotional and psychological attachments to a home isn’t as strong as in women

There is no solid research to evidence these assumptions, and yet, it is on the basis of the above that Domestic Violence services and projects are aimed and target ‘women and children’, with seldom provision for men.

The truth is, however, different.   Consider these facts produced by the ManKind Initiative in February 2013:

·         40% of domestic abuse victims are male: for every five victims, three will be

female, two will be male.

·         7% of women and 5% of men were estimated to have experienced any domestic

abuse in the last year, equivalent to an estimated 1.2 million female and 800,000

male victims.

·         31% of women and 18% (one in six) of men had experienced any domestic abuse

since the age of 16. These figures were equivalent to an estimated 5.0 million

female victims of domestic abuse and 2.9 million male victims.

·         Partner abuse (non-sexual) was the most commonly experienced type of intimate

violence among both women and men. 24% of women (3.9 million) and 13% of

men (2.1 million) reported having experienced such abuse since the age of 16: for

every three victims of partner abuse, two will be female and one will be male.

·         In 2011/12, 4% of women (675,000) and 3% of men (491,000) experienced

partner abuse: a split of 57%.43% (for every seven victims – four will be female,

three will be male).

·          1.1% of men and 1.3% of women were victims of severe force at the hands of

their partner during 2011/12. Over a lifetime the figures are 6.1% and 13.2%

respectively.

·         More married men (2.3%) suffered from partner abuse in 2011/12 than

married women (1.8%)

·         More men in managerial and professional occupations (3.0%) suffered from

partner abuse in 2011/12 than women with the same occupation (2.6%)

·         Men with children (3.0%) are as likely to be victims of partner abuse than men

without children. The figure is the same for female victims (3.5%)

·         Twice as many male victims (28%) than women (13%) do not tell anyone

about the domestic abuse they are suffering – highlighting the level of

underreporting. Male victims are three times (10%) more likely not to tell the

police they are victim than a female victim (29%) and only 4% of male victims will

tell a health professional compared to 19% of female victims.

·         In 2011/12 – 17 men (one every 21 days) died at the hands of their partner or ex-partner compared with 88 women (one every four days)

·         12 organisations offer refuge or safe house provision in the UK - a total of 76

spaces, of which 33 are dedicated to male DV victims only (the rest being for

victims of either gender), and of these 33 dedicated spaces, 18 are for gay males

only. There are over 260 organisations with around 4,000 spaces dedicated to

female victims.

·         On at least 120 occasions in 2010 a caller decided not to consider a refuge or safe

house because they were too far away and would mean having to completely

uproot their lives, often having to leave their children and their job behind.

Source:  Office for National Statistics(UK): Crime Survey (Focus on Violent Crime and Sexual Offences, 2011/12

The perceptions and assumptions are misleading and do not help men.  All domestic violence is wrong irrespective of the gender of the perpetrator.  Such common-held views about the nature of domestic abuse could actually empower women to commit violence against their partners (eg. No one will believe you etc..) I know my abusive ex-wife would justify her violent assaults on me by saying, “You’re a man, you can cope with it.” And yet she knew full well that I would never strike back even in retaliation.

By comparison, very little academic research has been carried out concerning male victims of Intimate Partner Violence.  However, Dr Denise A. Hines, Research Assistant Professor, of the Psychology Dept., Clark University, Worcester MA is leading the way. 

A joint study with Dr. Emiliy M. Douglas entitled ‘A Closer Look at Men Who Sustain Intimate terrorism by Women,’(2008) challenges and seeks to correct the mistaken beliefs existing around Domestic Abuse.  Their findings show that:

WHO ARE THE MEN WHO SUSTAIN INTIMATE TERRORISM?  

Our research indicates that the majority of male helpseekers in our sample who sustained 

IT are, or were in serious, long‐term relationships with most being married (48%) or 

separated (18%). The average relationship lasted over 8 years, and of the 112 men who 

were no longer in these relationships, the relationships had ended an average of 6 months 

prior to participation in our study. Additionally, almost three‐quarters (73%) of the 

relationships involved minor children, with the helpseekers reporting the presence of 2 

children on average. Furthermore, the helpseekers in our study:

• Were more likely to be white (87%) 

• Were an average of 41 years old 

• Were employed full‐time (69%) 

• Had, on average, graduated from a 2 to 4 year College

• Were, on average, employed in a professional role

• Earned, on average, about $52,000 annually 

                                                           

MENTAL ILLNESS AMONG MEN WHO EXPERIENCE IT

Of the 302 male helpseekers in this study, about a quarter (24%) reported that they had a 

mental illness. Of these men, close to half (41)% reported that they only had the diagnosis 

since being in the relationship. The most common mental illnesses were depressive 

disorders (65%), followed by anxiety disorders (48%).  

WHAT PREVENTS MEN FROM LEAVING

Of the male helpseekers in this study, 189 of them were still with their partners. They 

endorsed a number of different reasons for staying in the relationship. Figure 2 

summarizes those reasons.  

      

The male helpseekers in this study paint a picture of men who are fairly well educated, who 

have professional‐level jobs, and who have children involved in their relationships. They 

report sustaining severe levels of violence at the hands of their partner and have significant 

concerns about whether to leave their partners and what would happen if they did leave. 

Many of these men report loving their partners, hoping that she will change, showing 

commitment to their marriage, and concern about what would happen to the children.  

The limited statistics and studies available highlights a completely different reality to the one commonly accepted concerning Domestic Violence and male victims.  Until more men find their voice and speak out, well-meaning (but unfounded) assumptions will continued to be made.

Gender Bias?

As I write, DV awareness seems to be high on the political agenda.  In recent days a scheme dubbed Clare’s Law has been implemented as a trial scheme in selected areas of the UK.  This scheme gives partners the right to ask police authorities whether their partner has a known history of domestic violence.  Clare Wood was murdered in 2009 by her violent partner George Appleton who she had met on the internet.  Clare had made several complaints to her local police force about her boyfriend.  It transpired that he had a violent background and was known to the police.  In the United States, the Violence Against Women Act of 1994 (VAWA) has been recently renewed amid great controversy.  Not being a US citizen, I can’t claim to have a general understanding of the complexities involved.

When I first started raising awareness about DV, I was asked to write of summary of my story for a Christian News Agency.  After the article was submitted, I was asked whether I knew of any resources/support available for male victims particularly any offering a Christian perspective.  Help for male victims is very minimal and there was no denominational organisations that I was aware off who were seriously addressing the issue.

In recent weeks,  an international Christian alliance called Restored has released ‘Ending Domestic Abuse – a pack for Churches.’  It is commendable that someone is finally addressing the issue within Christianity.  The material is very user-friendly and should be a starting point for congregations.  However, it has a strong gender bias portraying the male as the perpetrator and the female as the victim.   This is a prejudice that I am encountering every day.  People can accept that women can be victims, but men are the physically stronger sex and therefore no man could possibly suffer from domestic abuse is the misguided rationale.  As far as I’m concerned, my ex partner had anger issues (and no doubt other issues as well) which she vented on me.  I choose not to use my greater physical strength in retaliation.  Does that make me a weaker or stronger man?

The Restored Church Pack included the following paragraph in its introduction:

‘the majority of domestic abuse is perpetrated by men against women.  However, domestic abuse can be inflicted by women on men and also in same sex relationships.  Female terms for victims and male terms for abusers in this resource are used as this is the most common presentation of domestic abuse, although the needs of male victims should be treated with equal concerns.’

I challenged this viewpoint and Restored’s response was that their mandate is to end violence against women and that their belief was that the majority of DV is carried out by men against women.  Sadly, I am encountering many who share this outlook.  Plenty of statistics are easily available and there are many projects offering support to women and children, but barely anything for men.

So is DV a gender issue?  Just what is the truth of the matter?

Plenty of media outlets will quote figures relating to female victims, but very few will publish information about male victims. 

In Febraury 2012, The ManKind Initiative produced ‘Male Victims of domestic and partner abuse – 21 key facts which makes shocking and startling reading.   Although from a male perspective, their reporting also states female statistics so that comparisons can be drawn.   Every source is given so these are not some pretend numbers to highlight the problem.  The 21 Key  Facts buries the myth commonly accepted that ‘the majority of domestic abuse is perpetrated by men against women’.  All figures come from the British Crime Survey carried out between  2008 and 2011.  Again these are only reported instances, and a lot of domestic abuse goes unreported.

ManKind Initiative : Male Victims of domestic and partner abuse – 21 key facts can be found here:

http://www.mankind.org.uk/pdfs/21%20Key%20Facts_Feb%202012.pdf

Here are some of the facts:

1)      For every three victims of partner abuse, for every three victims of domestic abuse and for every three victims of stalking – two will be female, one will be male.

2)      One in six men (aged 16 or over) and one in four women will suffer domestic abuse in their lifetime .

3)      12 % of men and 24 % of women have been victims of partner abuse in their lifetime (1.9 million men and 3.8 million women). In 2010/11, 4% of men (600,000) and 6% of women ( 900,000) reported having experienced partner abuse – a ratio of 40%/60%

4)      21 men and 94 women were murdered by a partner/ex-partner (classified as the key suspect) in 2010/11.  This equates to one man every 17 days.

5)      For men who were victims of partner abuse 29% said they were a victim of ‘severe force’, more than female victims (27%).

6)      20% of men who have suffered partner abuse have done so for more than one year (97,000 men).

7)      The number of women convicted of perpetrating domestic abuse has more than quadrupled in the past seven years from 806 (2004/05) to 3,965 (2010/11).

8)      Twice as many male victims (28%) than women (13%) do not tell anyone about the domestic abuse they are suffering – highlighting the level of underreporting.

9)      Male victims are three times (10%) more likely not to tell the police they are victim than a female victim (29%) and only 4% of male victims will tell a health professional compared to 19% of female victims.

10)  Only 1.25% of men who access services as a victim are actually assessed to be perpetrators (pretending to be victims) – there is no equivalent research on females as no organisation is willing to make the same assessment.

These astounding statistics (and the remaining 13 key facts) highlight than there is a clear Gender bias in understanding and the resourcing of domestic abuse victims.  They also demonstrate how little support there is for male victims – who there are clearly more of than the widely held view.

Domestic Abuse is not a gender issue and men should not be commonly cast as the perpetrators. DV is a matter than transcends gender, race, and sexuality.  There needs to be greater equality in the resources and help available to ALL victims, not just women.  This will only happen when more men break their silence and speak out.

UK Resources for Male Victims of DV

This is not an exhaustive list, but links and resources I have come across.  Please feel free to let me know of more  at  silentvictim@live.co.uk  or Inbox me on Facebook  ‘Si Victim’  or Tweet me @SiVictim.

Online Resources:

The National Centre for Domestic Violence (NCDV) provides a free, fast emergency service to survivors of domestic violence regardless of their financial circumstances, race, gender or sexual orientation. The service allows anyone to apply for an injunction within 24 hours of first contact (in most circumstances). We work in close partnership with the police, local firms of existing solicitors and other support agencies (Refuge, Women's Aid etc) to help survivors obtain speedy protection.

http://www.ncdv.org.uk/     Tel.   0844 8044999

Mankind

The ManKind Initiative is a charity providing help and information to male victims of domestic abuse or domestic violence.

Men's helpline  - Tel 01823 334 244

Email: admin@mankind.org.uk ; Web: www.mankind.org.uk

 Domestic Violence UK

Domestic Violence UK is a “not for profit” organisation set up to provide information and support online to victims of domestic abuse, by developing a community where we can learn from the experiences of each other.  It recognises domestic violence comes in many forms; not just the physical, but also emotional, psychological and sexual; and that it can be suffered by any member of society. The main objective of the site is to provide victims of domestic violence with practical advice on how to find courage to deal with their situation, and move on from emotionally abusive relationships. 

http://domesticviolenceuk.org/

Hidden Hurt

This website is designed to help understand the dynamics of an abusive relationships, the different types of abuse, it's effect on both direct victims (ie person being abused) and indirect victims (ie children living in a house where abuse occurs), specific issues facing the Christian abuse victim, and helpful links and telephone numbers inside the UK, together with other resources. One of the most visited parts of Hidden Hurt are the Personal Stories.

http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/

Telephone Lines:
National

Men's Advice Line

Tel 0808 801 0327 or email info@mensadviceline.org.uk
Opening Hours: Monday-Wednesday 10am-1pm and 2-5pm A confidential 24 hour answerphone service is available at all other times

ManKind National helpline  - Tel 01823 334 244 
This  confidential helpline is manned from Monday to Friday 10am - 4pm and 7pm - 9pm.

24-hour National Domestic Violence
Freephone Helpline
0808 2000 247

Respect Phoneline, 0808 802 4040
a helpline for domestic violence perpetrators looking for help
Monday - Friday 10am-1pm and 2pm-5pm
(free from landlines and from mobiles using the O2, Orange, T Mobile, Three (3), Virgin, and Vodafone networks). Calls will not appear on BT landline phone bills
A voicemail service is available: we aim to return calls within two working days
www.respectphoneline.org.uk

Broken Rainbow
Support to lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender victims of domestic abuse.
Tel 08452 60 44 60 Monday to Friday 9:00-1:00 and 2:00-5:00

Victim Support: 0845 30 30 900
Nationwide lo-call service, 9am–9pm Mon–Fri, 9am–7pm weekends and bank holidays from 9am–5pm; Provides  information and support to victims of all reported and unreported crime, including sexual crimes, racial harassment and domestic violence.

Victim Support's Male Helpline - 0800 328 3623
Freephone number for men, 12 noon to 2 pm, Mon to Fri


Regional
 Men's Advice Line and Enquiries - 020 8 644 9914
Information, support and advice to men experiencing domestic violence. Open from 9am to 10pm, Monday and Wednesday (answerphone at other times). Local projects for men are available in some areas.

Survivors (Swindon) - 0845 430 9371
Telephone helpline for adult (17+) male survivors of child sexual abuse and adult rape. Answerphone messages are returned as soon as possible.

Rape and Sexual Violence Project - 0121 233 3818
A charity supporting female and male survivors of rape, sexual assault and childhood sexual abuse: offering information, telephone support and face to face counselling (7 days per week). Both male and female counsellors available.

Sheaf Domestic Violence Project - 0114 249 8881 or 0114 249 8882
Works directly with women, children and Men who have been or still are suffering from domestic violence. Offers face to face visits, an escort service to court / hospital / etc.

M.A.L.E (Men's Advice Line Enquiries) - 0845 064 6800
Based in Plymouth, Devon. Calls are charged at the local rate and the number will appear on your phone bill. Mon 10am -9pm, Tuesday - Thurs 10am - 5pm (answer machine at all other times).

Men's Aid - 0871 223 9986
Based in Milton Keynes. A registered charity providing advice on what to do if you are in an abusive relationship. The helpline provides someone to talk to in the strictest of confidence, helpful and constructive advice, and information on other useful contacts specific to your individual needs.

Regional Projects:

NDVF is a lead organisation in Nottingham and Nottinghamshire which works in partnership with other organisations to reduce the impact of domestic violence by strengthening inter-agency work and increasing public awareness. NDVF also deliver prevention and early intervention across Nottingham  www.ndvf.org.uk/

ESTEEM is a confidential support & advice service for men who experience domestic abuse in Cornwall.
http://www.esteemmen.co.uk/

ARCH Whilst the majority of reported Domestic Violence is perpetrated by males there is a common misconception that male victims do not exist and that services are only provided for women and men's experiences are simply ignored. This is simply not true. Launched in 2007, Arch Domestic Violence Services deliver an innovative project providing Outreach support for male victims of domestic violence.  The service available at Arch for male victims has developed 2 areas of support for the men:
Helpline support - offers immediate support or if the client needs concentrates on short term support of up to 3 months. Depending on the men's needs this support can be reviewed after the 3 months. The male helpline is open everyTuesday, 4.30pm-6.30pm. The helpline support focuses on emotional support and information for the men who feel this as there priority at present
One-to-one outreach support - this is a new and revolutionary service to the county and is available to any man within the Staffordshire County. The outreach service offers the men emotional/practical, information and advocacy support on a face to face basis
Telephone 01782 683 702 (Mon - Fri 9am - 5pm)
Helpline 01782 205500 (Tuesday 4.30pm - 6.30pm)
http://www.archnorthstaffs.org.uk/domestic-violence-services/male-domestic-violence-support