Showing posts with label Womens Aid. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Womens Aid. Show all posts

Friday, 19 September 2014

Offensive?


I got more reaction from my last blog than any other.  I was told it was offensive.  I was accused of making Domestic Violence gender-specific when it isn’t.  I was called sexist and a narcissist.  All my attackers were female. 

I found the charge of making Domestic Violence gender-specific quite ironic because regular readers will know that I find all violence abhorrent and I often state that there is never any excuse for any form of abuse, irrespective of gender.  What I do campaign about and highlight through this blog (and my own personal story)  is the inequality and the gender-bias way in which Domestic abuse is viewed by society.  The way in which it is reported suggests that men are always the aggressors and women the victims.  The truth, however, is different and that is what I try to show.  Men and Women can be Domestic Violence perpetrators and both genders can also be victims.  It is not a Gender issue, but was made one by the women’s movement (who continue to perpetuate this myth) and too many people are either too miss-informed or afraid to challenge this misperception. 

Blogging is about sharing your story and opinion.  Our opinions are often influenced by our own personal experiences.   If you choose to read my blog, I thank you sincerely.  You may agree with what I write.  You might disagree and have a different opinion.  You also have complete freedom to express whatever opinion you hold. I respect that and dialogue is always good in sharing different viewpoints.  Where I draw the line is when it becomes personal.  No-body has the right to insult another person.  I may not agree, but I can accept another’s opinion.  What is unacceptable is personal attacks because someone has a different view or opinion.  Hang on a minute, isn’t that how all conflicts and wars begin?  
So what caused such controversy?  I happened to post about a local young woman who made AND admitted to making false domestic violence allegations against her male ex-partner.  Such a story couldn’t be refuted as it was there in black and white.  What caused such offence was my comment that the leniency shown by the Judge wouldn’t have been the same had the wrongdoer been male.  How could I suggest such a thing? 

Making like for like comparisons in case is never easy, but several different stories appeared on my news feed today.

·         2 young women launch an unprovoked attack on a 77 year old  blind male bus passenger.
Punishment:  2 months suspender prison sentence

·         Female social worker admits falsely accusing Father of Child Abuse

·         Judges are ‘ordered’ to be more lenient when sentencing female criminals

So I caused offence when suggesting that women are possible of making false accusations and yet another example in reported.  My comments about judgement leniency caused outrage and yet, it is reported, judges have been instructed to make such rulings.

Trying to find  a like for like case, the closest I could find was a 78 year old Asian lady attacked by a 31 year old male.


The 31-year-old was arrested on suspicion of racially aggravated criminal damage, racially aggravated common assault and racially aggravated intentional harassment.  I couldn’t find the outcome of sentencing, but if this man was found guilty I doubt he would have been given a paltry two months suspender prison sentence.  He would have had the book thrown at him and rightly so. And just to re-address the balance, I can’t find any examples of men being arrested after making false domestic violence allegations.

All abuse and violence is wrong.  Those found guilty of such crimes should be punished equally.  Part of the punishment for incarcerated men is separation from family especially their children.  They are told that they should have thought about the impact on their children before they committed whatever the offence may have been.  Surely, the same incentive should be used in trying to deter women from committing crime too?  Instead, because they do have children they hope for leniency and a lighter sentence.  If you do the crime, you should be prepared to do the time.   

Saturday, 8 March 2014

Stereotypes

I'm currently studying to be a Counsellor.  A huge proportion of my time in the last couple of months has been taken up considering prejudices and stereotypes.  A good counsellor needs to be aware of biased generalizations and aware of their own prejudices so that these don't impact the counselling relationship.

Many of the stereotypes we considered focused around religion, ethnicity, national tribalism, economy/social class, appearance, sexual orientation.  I did bring to the table my views about Gender stereotypes and I must admit, I have been rather absorbed about how I see Gender stereotypes played out all around me.

One of the first Nursery Rhymes I recall hearing was this one:


What are little boys made of?
What are little boys made of?
Slugs and snails
And puppy-dogs' tails,
That's what little boys are made of.
What are little girls made of?
What are little girls made of?
Sugar and spice
And everything nice,
That's what little girls are made of.

What message does this conveys?   Girls are good, girls are sweet, girls are nice.  Boys are horrid, boys are nasty, boys are bad.  

Boy spelt backwards is YOB - a well-used term to describe a thuggish or uncouth person.   Thuggish behaviour is often also described as Laddish behaviour, but never Lassish behaviour.  Irrespective of the gender of adolescents behaving badly, the adjectives used to describe bad actions imply the male gender (yob/ laddish).  

This further ingrains the message into the subconscious that  girls are good, girls are sweet, girls are nice while boys are horrid, boys are nasty, boys are bad.  

This badness is seemly equated with a macho stereotype that suggests therefore all males must be aggressive and society exploits this to their advantage but moans when it goes wrong. Boys don't cry or are not expected to cry.  When boys cry they are told, "Don't be a baby/girl...only girls cry."   It's not cool to show your emotions so be a man, grow some balls, Man up etc.    Is it true that only girls cry when they are hurt?  Boys hurt just the same but are expected to appear to be tougher.  The older we get, the more absorbent we are suppose to be especially if the one causing us pain is our partner,  "You're a man, you can cope." or the insult often directed at men in a domestic agreement, " You're not a real man because...(Insert your failure to meet the male stereotype of your partner).

And so it continues...Girls are good, girls are sweet, girls are nice.  Boys are horrid, boys are nasty, boys are bad.  ..

If the relationship ends, the majority always assume it's because the male has done something bad.   ... .Girls are good, girls are sweet, girls are nice.  Boys are horrid, boys are nasty, boys are bad.  ..
There are many examples of experiments where couples have a public row.  No one ever questions or challenges when they see a woman striking her male partner.  However, everyone is horrified and motivated to take action.  when they see a male hit a woman.  Those asked why they didn't bat an eyelid when the woman was assailant respond with statements such as "we assume she'd caught him cheating" "we thought you go girl - good for you!"  

And so it continues...Girls are good, girls are sweet, girls are nice.  Boys are horrid, boys are nasty, boys are bad.  ..

The custody of children then comes before a judge AND because girls are good/boys are bad, the mother always gets custody.     There are exemptions to this, but they are extremely rare.

For some vulnerable children, granting custody is the worst possible decision.  I'd never given this any thought until I heard Erin Pizzey ( founder of Women's Aid and the refuge/shelter movement) comment that the biggest risk to children was their mothers as far more mums kill their children than fathers.  The next largest group to murder their children was the mother's new partner.  And yet, we see girls as good and boys as bad.

This week was a really tragic week as I noticed numerous stories in  the national media (sadly all giving credence to Erin's point):


East Belfast incident:Mother arrested as baby critical - BBC News Website 8th March 2014 

Young mum slammed for giving 12 year old a bottle of VODKA at sleepover - 7th March 2014  

Toddler. 2 died after drinking heroin substitute methadone 'given to her to keep her quiet' - 7th March 2014


Mum admits drowning baby daughter - Nottingham Post 6th March 2014

What little boys made of?  What are little girls made of?   We are all actually made of the same stuff so it's time to cast away the stereotypes that wrongly influence policies.   Girls can be nice, but so can boys.  Boys can be horrid, but so to can girls.  

However, because the powers that be maintain that girls are good while boys are bad, there is an abundance of support packages to help women.  Indeed in all the cases i cited above, the women committed those crimes NOT because they were 'BAD' (how could they be bad as they're female???) but because they were ill.   When men are guilty of crime, it's because they are deemed BAD rather than ill.   And what support is offered for men who face dire straits?  Very little. Devoid of any service to seek help and assistance from with all hope gone, 12 men a  day take their own live in the UK.  Nobody cares because they're male, because 'all men are bastards/bad.'

Any abuse is wrong and is not restricted to gender.  I long for the day when all domestic violence support services STOP being influenced by the gender specific nonsense that prevails   recognizing that victims are male, female and transgender (not just female) and acknowledging that perpetrators can be female, male and transgender ( not just male).





  






Tuesday, 3 December 2013

Even More Gender-Biased approaches

There recently appeared in a national Christian magazine an article on Domestic Violence.    I was pleased to see this issue being raised however, I was rather concerned with way in which some statistical data was presented as it implied that all DV perpetrators are men and that very few men experience domestic abuse themselves.  I did challenge this with both the author and the magazine’s editor and presented the real evidence arguing that Domestic Violence is not a Gender-specified  crime.  The editor informed me that they would use my feedback.  To date as far as I’m aware, nothing has appeared.

Last week, my regional newspaper reported on a fund-raising event held by a local Domestic Violence charity.   This charity’s target audience is women and children only.  Their website pays a token acknowledge to male victims, but the main emphasis is offering services to women and children.  They offer ‘training’ too using the Freedom programme.  If you’re unsure what the Freedom programme consists of , this is the explanation of what you can except:

The Freedom Programme is for any woman who wishes to learn more about the reality of domestic violence and abuse.
The aims of the Freedom Programme are:
 To help women understand the beliefs held by abusive men and in so doing, recognise which of these beliefs they have shared
 To illustrate the effects of domestic violence on children
 To assist women to recognise potential future abusers
To help women gain self-esteem and the confidence to improve the quality of their lives
To introduce women to community resources such as Women’s Aid, the Police Domestic Violence Unit, The Rape and Sexual Abuse Centre, local Colleges etc.

Hardly, a Gender-Neutral approach to Domestic Violence then!!!

What concerned me about the report was mention that this local charity is responsible for training 4,000 police and professionals a year in the Nottinghamshire area.  Being trained in such a biased manner can not be good for Domestic Violence prevention and restorative services.  I posted an online comment making such a point.  I also addressed my viewpoint to the Letters page, which strangely wasn’t published. 
I decided too, to take up this issue with the local Police Commissioner.  This is what I expressed:

Dear Mr *****,
I was deeply concerned to read that XXXXXXXXX  are responsible for training 4,000 police officers and professionals a year to spot and help prevent domestic abuse in 25th November 2013 edition of the XXXXXXXX.   XXXXXXXX  are a gender-specific charity and offer a biased approach to domestic abuse prevention.  Little wonder that the problem of domestic abuse is spiralling out of control when inappropriate training is being given.
Equation does not address the fact that 1 in 6 men will also experience domestic violence and that 60% of domestic violence incidents are mutual with the female partner being the greater aggressor.
Domestic violence is a complex issue and the training given should be more representative of a Gender-neutral approach. 
Yours sincerely,

I received the following reply:

One of my key objectives is to protect, support and respond to victims, witnesses and vulnerable people, without favour to either gender.
I do fully appreciate that domestic abuse is not confined to women being abused by male partners, although it is a fact that one in four women will be a victim of domestic abuse at some point in their lives. 
But no-one should be a victim of domestic abuse and we are all working with partners to both reduce reoffending and offer support to those at risk of this type of behaviour.

I subsequently replied:

It is also a fact that 1 in 6 men will be a victim of domestic abuse at some point in their lives and this is not being addressed because many of the agencies involved refuse to acknowledge this, casting men as batterers and women as victims.  There has been research available for the last 40 years to reinforce this truth.  I am in contact with leading global academic researchers (who all happen to be female) who are continuing fighting to improve DV services and get the message out that DV isn’t the gender issue its portrayed as being.  I'd love to help our county move away from the Patriarchy influence that inhibits its services and would be willing to discuss this at greater length with you and/or your team.  Best regards,

The next day, a news story broke where a famous female TV presenter was charged and received a police caution for common assault on her husband.  By accepting a police caution, one admits their guilt.  Strangely enough, the story has appeared in the media with little other comment.   This gave me one last chance to try and get the message across to the Police Comissioner:

Just to give credence to my last post, I'm sure that its not escaped your notice that XXXXXX. the TV presenter has just been charged with common assault against her husband.   I would restate that the work going on with your partners is gender-biased and far from the real picture.

Then today, I was greeted with more gender-biased coverage:

Services to help female victims of domestic violence are at "breaking point" because of "shocking gaps" in funding, Women's Aid has warned.

With a name like Women’s Aid, you expect them to be Gender-biased.  However, there are many including myself who believe that Domestic Violence services should never have been about gender but has highjacked by Misandrists who saw an opportunity to jump on the bandwagon  and receive uncontested funding for a whole range of services for women only.

My first reaction was well at least there are services for women and children in the first place.  Very little funding has ever been made available  for services for men. 
And then, the Statistics used to justify the services were given by Women’s Aid CEO,

Women's Aid chief executive Polly Neate said: "Specialist gender-specific domestic violence services are reaching a breaking point.
"Over 1.2 million women were estimated to have experienced domestic violence last year and two women a week are killed by perpetrators."

No mention of the 800,000 men experiencing domestic violence.  The estimation is also that one women every four days is killed, but this has evolved into two women a week.  Last thing I knew was that a week had  seven days, not eight days in it.  A slight distortion that no-one challenges.  One women every four days is still one too many..  No mention, mind you, of the one man every seventeen days killed by a partner either. 
Domestic Violence is not a Gender-Specific crime and should not be treated as such.  However, such biased shown often results with men feeling that they have nowhere to go to seek help.  Without any hope, alienated from family and children, many men end up taking their own lives.

The one gender-specific issue that is never addressed is suicide.  Very few woman commit suicide. Tragically, in the UK, the figures have been quite consistent over the last few years.   4,500 men take their own lives a year.  That equates to  375 men a month or 86 a week or , to break it down even further, 12 men a day kill themselves. 

And yet, very little is being done to change this shocking fact that is happening in our communities.

Friday, 6 September 2013

Statistics - The Truth


Mark Twain is famously quoted as saying , “There are lies, damn lies and statistics,” but he, in fact, attributed the saying to Benjamin Disraeli.   It highlights the difficulty about using statistics because the figures can be distorted to provide evidence for the point of order being argued.

When it comes to the victims of Domestic  Violence, you will encounter various statistics: 1 in 4 women will be a victim, 1 in 6 men will be a victim, even 95 % of all victims will be female ( I STRONGLY dispute this as you shall see).

The problem is that all statistics are based on samples, and some of the samples used were already quite restrictive in the profile of people interviewed and the questions or options given.  In other words, the results had already been determined  and the questionnaires had  been designed to provide the required outcomes.

The figures I present come from the latest statistics available complied from the UK’s Office for National Statistics: Crime Survey (Focus on Violent Crime and Sexual Offences, 2011/12


This is perhaps the most conclusive set of data available but is conveniently ignored by Misandrists to want to promote a different message.  The sample used for the following figures comprised of 5,129 men and 5,991 women. 

The Survey shows that
  • 40% of domestic abuse victims are male: for every five victims, three will be female, two will be male.
  •  7% of women and 5% of men were estimated to have experienced any domestic abuse in the last year, equivalent to an estimated 1.2 million female and 800,000 male victims.
  • 31% (one in four – not quite one in three) of women and 18% (one in six) of men had experienced any domestic abuse since the age of 16. These figures were equivalent to an estimated 5.0 million female victims of domestic abuse and 2.9 million male victims.

So, to recap, based on the latest data set available and taken from a pool of 11,220 people (46 % male 54 % female), 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men will experience Domestic Violence in their lifetime and 40% of domestic abuse victims are male therefore 60% are female.

I felt led to write this because I came across an article which made the following claims:

The reality, however, as indicated by Women’s Aid statistics, is that a quarter of British women suffer domestic abuse; many of them experience repeated violence. According to the charity, on average a woman has been assaulted 35 times before she is able to seek help. A perpetrator doesn’t necessarily only cause physical or sexual harm, but may also be psychologically, spiritually, emotionally or financially abusive.

And what about abuse directed against men? Although this does occur in the UK, Women’s Aid says that 95% of the victims of domestic abuse are female.”

I did contact the author to challenge the claims reportedly made by Women’s Aid.  From the information I presented, there is a clear discrepancy. …can both set of figures be correct? 

Perhaps the biggest clue is in the name of the charity.  It’s not Aid to Victims of Domestic Abuse, it’s WOMEN’S aid.  It is not in the charity’s aims or best interests to acknowledge male victims in any shape or form.

Looking at the Women’s Aid website is most enlightening about the misinformation against Men that they are spreading.  The sad thing is that many who accept at face value that Women’s Aid must be the leading  voice on all domestic abuse matters fail to see the true motive of the charity .


…1 in 4 women will be a victim of domestic violence in their lifetime – many of these on a number of occasions.

On average, 2 women a week are killed by a current or former male partner.

One misleading statistic, which is often repeated, is that - while one in four women experience domestic violence - so do one in six men.  These figures are, however, based on single incidents, of a criminal nature, and without regard to:
·         severity of violence
·         whether or not it was repeated - and if so, how often
·         the complex pattern of overlapping abuse of various kinds
·         the context in which it took place.,,,,

The Bold words are as they appear on the webpage.  I’ve unlined the text clearly designed to send out a Misandry message which is false and gender discriminatory.

According to Office for National Statistics: Crime Survey (Focus on Violent Crime and Sexual Offences, 2011/12

   In 2011/12 – 17 men (one every 21 days) died at the hands of their partner or ex partner compared with 88 women (one every four days)


In other words, 1 man every 3 weeks and 1 woman every 4 days (not quite 2 women a week) as Women’s Aid claim are killed by their partner or ex-partner.  Irrespective of Gender, these figures are far too high and any murder is immoral.

However, Women’s Aid clearly claim that all the murderers of female partners are male.  As far as I can ascertain, the gender of the suspects have not been recorded.  Although it would be commonly accepted that most suspects would indeed be male, it is likely that there would be  some same-sex relationships included in the fatalities.   

By slightly manipulating the crime statistics, Women’s Aid attempt to make male mistreatment of females look worse than it is without acknowledging women can also behave in such an evil manner. 

Women’s Aid accept the 1 in 4 women statistic, but  challenge the 1 in 6 men statistic although they both come from the same source!  How bizarre!

How can it be misleading ? Hmmmmmm?  Does that make the 1 in 4 women misleading by the  same token?   

They claim that it’s not reliable because it refers to a single incident but the same criteria is used to measure both genders. The real truth is that it promotes a reality that Women’s Aid doesn’t want to admit to! 

There is over 30 years of academic research available that offers confirmation that a similar proportion of men and women are domestic violence victims.  I've said it before and I will say it again, Domestic Violence affects everyone irrespective of Gender - it is never a gender issue alone.  This message has been silenced because it doesn't match the misandrist agenda of many feminists.  

A lot of Misandrists love to claim that 95% of domestic violence victims are woman.
This originated from the USA back in November 1994, nearly 20 years ago and came from the following:

90-95% of domestic violence victims are women. (Bureau of Justice Statistics Selected Findings: Violence between Intimates (NCJ-. 149259), November 1994.)
Strange how the sampling or method used to arrive at this extortionate percentage has been lost over the period of time!  Also strange is that fact that academic reports which challenged this bias have been ignored, although accepted at the time as addressing an inaccuracy.
Professor Murray Straus’ epic and ground-breaking paper, ‘The Controversy Over Domestic Violence by Women 1999 ‘   can still be found online if you look hard enough:
In this paper Professor Straus writes of the attacks against him and his team because of their findings:
In the mid-1970s my colleagues and I made the disturbing discovery  that
women physically assaulted partners in  marital, cohabiting, and dating relationships as often  as men  assaulted their partners (Steinmetz, 1978; Straus, 1997; Straus, Gelles, & Steinnietz,  1980). This finding  caused me  and  my former  colleague, Suzanne Steinmetz,  to  be  excommunicated  as feminists. Neither  of  us  has accepted  that sentence, but  it remains in  force.  So when Salman Rushdie was  condemned to  death  for his heresy,  we  may  have felt even more empathy than most people because we had also experienced many threats, including a bomb threat.

As a result  of  the women's movement, the traditional reluctance  of the police to become involved in  "domestics"  (Kaufman  Kantor & Straus, 1990; Straus, 1977) has changed. In most jurisdictions  in  the United  States, state laws or police regulations now require or recommend arrest. However, consistent with the greater injury rate for women, these laws and regulations may state or imply a male offender. Although on average, when there is an injury, this is correct, it denies male victims equal protection under the law. In fact, there are  a growing  number  of  complaints  that  attempts  by  men to  obtain police  protection  may  result in the man being arrested  (Cook, 1997). That ironic situation is an additional reason that men are reluctant to call for police protection. The main  reason  is  one  already discussed  in  explaining  gender differences  in  police  statistics:  The  injury  rate  is  much lower  when  the offender  is a woman  and  there  is  therefore  less  perceived  need  to  call for protection.  The fact  that  assault  is  a legal  and  moral  crime, regardless  of whether there is injury, is lost from view.

Men  are also  less likely  to  call the  police,  even  when  there  is  injury, because, like women, they feel shame about disclosing family violence. But for many men, the shame is compounded  by  the shame of not  being  able to keep their wives under control. Among this group, a "real man" would be able to keep her under control. Moreover, many police share these same traditional gender role expectations. This adds to the legal and regulatory  presumption That is, they  know they  are likely to be able to get away with it. As in the case of other crimes, the probability of a woman assaulting her partner is strongly influenced by  what she thinks she can get away with (Gelles & Straus, 1988).

In the last paragraph, Straus touches on how the ‘90-95% of domestic violence victims are women’ statement was arrived at.  He expounds it further explaining how the figure is derived .

.. “Crime studies, without  exception, show much higher rates of assault by men, often 90% by men. Crime studies also find a prevalence rate (for both men and women) that is a small fraction of the rate of assaults found by family conflict studies. The difference in prevalence rates and  in  gender differences  between the two  types of studies  probably  occur because crime studies deal with only the small part of all domestic assaults that the participants experience as a crime, such as assaults which result in an injury serious enough to need medical attention, or assaults by  a former partner. These occur relatively rarely and tend to be assaults by men. “

….Other reasons why assaults by women  are rare  in  police statistics probably include the reluctance of men to admit that they cannot "handle their wives." In  addition, although police  in some jurisdictions  are now  arresting female offenders more than previously, analogous to their former reluctance to make arrests  of  husbands,  they  remain reluctant  to  make arrests  in  such cases
(Cook,  1997).”

Circa 1994, the 90-95% was the given gender split which reported serious Crime assaults resulting in injury caused by an ex- partner.  Back in 1994, men just didn’t report similar assaults where they had been victims and even today, 20 years later, there is a reluctance by men to do so.

The truth is out there – sometimes you just have to dig a little deeper to find it!