Showing posts with label Christmas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Christmas. Show all posts

Tuesday, 26 June 2012

Appeal Aftermath


After some general advice and information, it’s time once more to pick up my story. I had been waiting for the official notification of my appeal.  Within ten days of the appeal being held, I should have received the written decision.  Everyday I waited for the mail to be delivered.  Nothing arrived.  There is a maxim that says ‘no news is good news.’  It didn’t apply in this instance.  Realistically, I wasn’t expecting a reversal of the judgment that had resulted in my dismissal.  Idealistically I had hoped for some understanding into the stigma of being a male victim of Domestic Violence and the impact it had on my mental health particularly as I was working within the Mental health care field. 

I used this time to reflect on my brief career in social care.  The majority of workers in this industry are female with very few male members of staff in any care organisation.  I was initially told that I would be in constant demand for work as good male workers were a rare commodity and greatly needed.  This proved to be my experience and I received praise for the way in which I worked.  I found that my co-workers were all fully committed and worked hard and efficiently to ensure that the best possible service was offered to clients.     However, management were often more cynical towards clients and workers.  With hindsight, I feel that some of my interactions with my managers (who all happened to be female) may have also coloured their judgement. 

I had only been in the job for seven weeks when a vacancy within the organisation was advertised.  This post was at a higher grade, located in the town where I lived rather than fifty miles from home, more conventional working hours and I had the qualifications required.  I informed my line manager that I would be applying, not because I was unhappy with my current role, but because it was an opportunity too good to miss.  My line manager responded that she would do the same if she was in my position.  However, the funding for this post hadn’t been properly secure and recruitment was postponed.  The job I had involved a huge amount of travelling and mileage expenses could be claimed back from the organisation.  I had submitted my expenses for authorisation and was rather upset to discover three weeks later that my line manager hadn’t yet dealt with them.  I spoke privately to my line manager and received a poor excuse as to why they hadn’t been submitted. Having been in management myself, I recognised managerial claptrap and would have preferred the truth.  It transpired that all team members had outstanding expense claims that were awaiting reimbursement.  Christmas was approaching and all staff were unhappy as the delay was affecting Christmas budgeting.  I subsequently raised this issue at the next team meeting where I was supported by my shift colleague.  The service lead responded that it was up to her when she submitted the claims, with no acknowledgement that the problem had arose because she’d forgotten about them in the first place.

The service I worked with was an ‘out of hours’ service that overlapped some regular ‘nine to five’ services within the organisation.  Without going into great detail, I discovered that the organisation had been paying the telephone bill of a Client for over eighteen months.  When I came across this, I spoke to the line manager of the department responsible who was adamant that the transfer of responsibility for the telephone line over to the client had taken place correctly.  I went away and collected the necessary information, returning to the manager who then looked at it with her line manager and realised that I was right. 

Prior to my probation review which led to my release, two supervision sessions had been held between my line manager and myself.   Following these sessions, company policy was that we both sign a copy of the supervision notes and that I was given a copy.  The first time I saw these was at my probation review when I was presented with both sets to sign.  I never received a copy of these documents.

A month after the appeal, I still hadn’t received notice of the appeal’s decision.   I wrote to the CEO of the organisation explaining the situation and that I was still waiting for the result.  He responded immediately to say that he had asked the regional headquarters to investigate.  Another month passed without any word so once more I contacted the CEO.  It transpired that the wrong regional office had been asked to investigate.  The CEO apologised for the bad working practise of the organisation and also said that I would receive a personal apology and explanation from the regional manager.  The regional manager’s letter contained an apology stating that although the letter had been written immediately following the appeal, due to an administration error it wasn’t mailed out to me.  The original letter was also included and stated that attached to it were the minutes of the appeal.  The minutes were not included.  I contacted the regional manager once more to say that I still hadn’t received my copy of the supervision interviews and that the minutes of the appeal hadn’t been included despite it being stated that they were.  I finally received all documentation a week later.  This now meant closure for me, I could move on from the feelings I had felt about the poor handling of my situation by this organisation.

Saturday, 31 March 2012

Christmas Preparations


The festive period is the busiest time of the year in any church calendar and although I’d left the marital home (and church manse) in October, senior management in the church took no real action.   I could be cynical and suggest that they deliberately let things continue until Christmas passed because they then didn’t have to face the ordeal of trying to cover high profile Christmas activities within the parish.



No one had any inkling that Sandra and I had separated.  Sandra and the children resided in the church manse, I was sleeping on my parents settee still.  I would turn up at the church, put on the mask that I’d worn for eighteen years and pretend all was normal. 



In the last week of November, the church’s occupational doctor made an appointment to see both of us because the church authorities had asked him to carry out a medical assessment. In my opinion this was totally pointless because the problem wasn’t medical.  We were both interviewed by senior leadership who then made a decision to grant to both Sandra and I three months compassionate leave.   This pronouncement was made to me in a letter dated 21st December (note how it suited the church to wait until after the Christmas rush!) and the leave would commence 1st January.  The purpose of this was to relieve us both of all duties so we could focus solely on repairing the marriage.



I had said while being interviewed that keeping myself occupied had been one of my coping strategies and to have any purpose withdrew would be detrimental to my own mental health.  I needed to have something to focus on.   I felt hurt and angry that anything I said to the church authorities seemed to be completely disregarded.  In fact on 2nd January my first day on compassionate leave, I broke down in tears as the impact of  the social interaction I was being denied hit me.   I cried out to the four walls that contained me, “This isn’t compassionate, this is cruel!”



The letter received on the 21st December also contained a paragraph which caused me great angst:



“The Church strongly recommended that marriage counselling is undertaken together to address the difficult issues within your marriage.”



Difficult issues?   Eighteen years of Domestic Violence wasn’t just difficult issues.  I felt betrayed by a system I had trusted and committed my life to.   I was happy to continue to receive personal counselling but as far as I was concerned joint counselling was out of the question.  It was my opinion that Sandra would not open up and admit her role as denial and avoidance had always been the way she dealt with any thorny subject.  The likelihood was that she would deny anything I mentioned and then attack me later for whatever statements I would have made.  Joint counselling was pointless.  I wanted my life back.



Rather incensed by the Church’s attitude, I contacted the Doctor to ask what his recommendation had been to the church leadership.  His response, “in my opinion this marriage has irreconcilably broken down.”



Knowing what they did about the ongoing incidences of Domestic Violence, also having asked for and then received their own Doctors opinion that the marriage was beyond repair, why were the Church strongly recommending that marriage counselling is undertaken together to address the difficult issues within your marriage?   Such apparent denial of my reality by the Church devalued my own self-worth and I struggled to come to terms with their mind-set towards me and Domestic Violence.



Christmas day would be the first one spent apart from my children.   My children asked me if I would go to the marital home and spend Christmas Day afternoon with them.   As hard as it was, I did.  As far as I was concerned, the children have and always will come first.  Sandra being there made things uncomfortable, but that wasn’t of paramount significance.   I was there with the children, nothing else mattered.