Karma

At a recent family gathering, I was asked what my views were concerning Karma.  It seemed a little strange as an opening gambit from a relative who I only tend to see at family occasions.  However, I’ve often posted about my spiritual journey which has taken me from being a Christian church minister  to flirting with Atheism.  So I guess, it wasn’t  that strange a question after all.  I had certainly been reflecting on my own beliefs and the origins of personal belief.  My initial response was to say that “it’s probably easier to say what I don’t believe, rather than what I do believe.”

I don’t believe in the concepts of eternal/everlasting or indeed previous lives now.  The only thing we know with any certainty is that we are living this life now.  There is no factual evidence for anything before or after.  I know that some people claim to have had near-death experiences that equate to their own particular belief of what happens next, and there are those who under a form of hypnosis called past-life regression.   My own take on these ‘experiences’ is that the person’s own belief system has already influenced that person’s mind, so your sub conscious tells you what you want to hear. 

Similarly, well-meaning Christians have tried to convince me of the errors of my ways in turning my back on their faith by employing  Pascal’s Wager.  Pascal's Wager is an argument in philosophy which was devised by the seventeenth-century French philosopher, mathematician, and physicist Blaise Pascal (1623–1662). It posits that humans all bet with their lives either that God exists or not. Given the possibility that God actually does exist and assuming an infinite gain or loss associated with belief or unbelief in said God (as represented by an eternity in heaven or hell), a rational person should live as though God exists and seek to believe in God. If God does not actually exist, such a person will have only a finite loss.  In other words, you have nothing to infinite loss, but everything to gain by believing in a God.  If the Judeo-Christian God doesn’t exist, you lose nothing.  It’s a hedge your bets argument.  Strange when most Christians/church teaching is opposed to Gambling, they ask you to ‘bet on the existence of god.’

As for Karma I can’t hold the view that my existence in a previous life, affects my current position now.  I have made conscious decisions and then had to live with the consequences of those decisions, many positive and some negative.  Nothing from an unknown past has influenced those decisions. 

However, there is a different type of Karma that we all often refer too.  Phrase like “What goes round comes round,” and “they’ll get what coming to them” has entered our vocabulary.   When someone hurts us or commits an injustice against us and isn’t punished, we use the afore-mentioned statements hoping that everything balances out, that the pain we have felt will soon be inflicted on the person that hurt us.  Does it happen?  It would be nice and rather comforting to think that it does, but in all reality it probably doesn’t.  My abuser has never accepted any responsibility for her actions and has failed to grasp the impact and consequences of her violent actions have had on me or our children.  While I hoped that natural karma would happen, so far it hasn’t.  She carried on living her live oblivious to the destruction she’s caused.  For me, I had to let go of wanting such karma to happen and move on with my life.   While I was anxious for my abuser to receive retribution for her crimes against me, the angst it caused me was a way of still allowing her to abuse me.    I guess I don’t believe in any form of Karma either. 

All that matters to me is the here and now and what I make of it.

Easter Emotions

Today is Easter Sunday.  Those who do not regularly attend church services sometimes make an exception at either Christmas or Easter.    My recent attendance at church services has been very sporadic.  On Good Friday, my duties as a Rotarian meant that I was on traffic control duties while the Christians of the town held a public silent procession (with someone carrying a symbolic wooden cross at the head).   As they concluded by singing the hymn, ‘When I survey the Wondrous cross,’ on the Market Place, I was emotionally moved. 

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I felt the need to attend a church service this morning.   I went to a large city church that I have attended intermittently.  There was excitement in the auditorium beforehand. This is one occasion when the children (who usually have their own ‘church’ event running concurrently) joined in and the Children’s team led the main all-age family service.  The music that accompanies the congregational singing is always of the highest order, again something that can’t always be said of church musical groups.  There was encouraged ‘audience participation’ that was celebratory.  Worshippers were encouraged to enjoy themselves, the Easter Sunday bible story was told with humourous photographs appearing on big screens portraying members of the Youth Church re-enacting the Easter story.  To the worshippers, it would have been a moving experience.

And yet, I couldn’t connect.  I was there, but I was an observer.  Being a Christian and living such a lifestyle was all I knew for the majority of my life.  Every step seems to take me further away from having a faith: academically, emotionally, spiritually as the few prayers I now offer always go unheard and unanswered.  Part of me wants to leave the door open, but the Christianity which was my whole life is becoming extremely closed to me.  

Today, my thought went back to Easter Sunday 2010.  This was the last service I conducted as a minister.  I knew it would be my last.  I was being placed on an immediate ‘leave of absence,’ only the church authorities had delayed the imminence because they didn’t want to manage the logistics of fulfilling an Easter programme at my church.  So, knowing full well that my life’s vocation was ending, I was allowed a stay of execution.   At the Maundy Thursday Passover re-enactment meal and the Good Friday service, I was mournful and emotional.   I guess people assumed it was because of the occasion, not realising that there were deeper emotions within me.  On Sunday, I put on my brave face, and led the church in their joyous Easter celebrations.  No-one knew my inner turmoil. 

Afterwards, people were kind enough to comment that I’d conducted really meaningful Easter services for them and had no idea how I managed it considering the vast personal pressure I must have been under.  Actually, it was probably the long established practise I developed from my marriage of leading a Sunday service and pretending all was well that got me through that last Easter Sunday.

Easter speaks to all because it is a celebration of hope and new life.  On Good Friday everything seemed bleak but a few days made all the difference.  Maybe this message is why so many victims of abuse are drawn to religion because of the hope they see in what appears to be a darken depression.  For the non-religious, Easter is a reminder of the new life and hope of Springtime.  In fact, civilisation rejoiced in this cycle of nature before Christians added their slant on the festivities.

My easter festival is about new life and hope breaking through the darkness but not in the  conventional understanding of Christianity.   Walking away from the church on Easter Sunday 2010, I walked away from the darkness of abuse, I’ve found a new life and by speaking out about the Intimate Partner Violence I suffered from, I’m bringing hope to those who felt trapped in abusive relationships.

Faith and Prayer

My main life coping strategy has been to prepare for the worst mentally, emotionally and psychologically then any other outcome is a positive bonus.  Although it may sound that I am  pessimistic, I actually try and make the best out of my circumstances.  I like to be focussed and organised.  I function best when I have a routine or plans to act on. 

There have been many occasions recently when people  have assured me that they will be praying for me at a specific  time when I was facing meetings/interviews.  On all these occurrences, the worst case scenarios were fulfilled.  My subsequent reflections posed the question ‘would I be better off without the prayers of the well-meaning?’

As a former church minister, I understand and appreciate the intention.  I have to ask ‘who benefits from praying?’

It can be comforting to know that someone else is thinking of you particularly during difficulties.  The one committed to pray may feel that they are able to do something that they see as constructive by calling out to their deity. 

Prayer has another dimension also.  A person of faith who prays calls usually calls upon God for intervention.  Does God hear and answers Prayers? What happens if two people are praying  at the same time for the same situation but praying for opposing outcomes?  How does God decide which prayer to answer?  In that case, God can just sit back and see how events unfold  while doing absolute nothing.  One person will claim that God answered their prayer, but the other person may also claim that their God answered prayer by saying No.  They may also say that prayer wasn’t answered because their faith wasn’t strong enough.

I know many of the quotes preachers will give you concerning prayer.  Over the years, I’ve used them myself.  Here are a couple of examples heard from pulpits worldwide:

William Temple replied to his critics who regarded answered prayer as no more than coincidence, “When I pray, coincidences happen; when I don’t, they don’t.”

Seven Days without Prayer make One Weak

Pray as if everything depended on God, and work as if everything depended upon man

During my early days as a church minister, I had one parishioner who was the first to volunteer for any task needed doing.  He became a good friend and I would describe him as one of the most righteous men that I have known.  He faced major surgery and all the community were praying for his recovery.  He had been told that it was a complex operation and it could go either way: recovery or death.  Prior to the operation, he spoke with such faith that his God would pull him through. He never survived the operation.  Why did so many prayers go unanswered?  Many people could ask similar questions.

Another favourite sermon interjection of preachers is to refer to the latest newspaper report that cites a study carried out on medical patients with some receiving prayer and some not receiving prayer.  The preacher always announces that prayer made the difference in recovery.

Prayer doesn’t work as an appeal to some Supreme Being.  If a person has faith in a belief system, then that might give that person hope.  If prayer is seen to work, the deity receives the credit.  If it doesn’t work, the deity has said no or there’s a lack of faith or some form of demonic interference.   

I want to say thank you for your prayers but they don’t work. If a Supreme Being exists, why does (s)he never intervene.  Earlier in my personal story, I shared my reflection asking how a supposed God of love could allow someone who had sacrificed a career to follow a godly vocation be abused by someone who also claimed to serve this God of love? 

What will be will be.  Prayers don’t make any difference, but positive thinking and energy just might.